Bedtime Stories

When Everything is News

When Everything is News

on December 5, 2017, 6:46 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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Branco Kate Steinle’s Murderer Not Guilty

Branco Kate Steinle’s Murderer Not Guilty

on December 5, 2017, 6:13 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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Seniors

Seniors

on December 4, 2017, 6:51 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall As yet, the store’s merchandise wasn’t in — only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now some old senior is going to walk by, put his face to […]

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As you butter the little crumb..

As you butter the little crumb..

on December 4, 2017, 6:42 AM / in Bedtime Stories

The Pillsbury Doughboy has died. Boo Hoo Please join me in remembering a great icon of the community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry […]

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A difference of Opinion

A difference of Opinion

on December 2, 2017, 6:28 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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The Mushrooms…

The Mushrooms…

on December 1, 2017, 8:28 AM / in Bedtime Stories

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? “No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.” “Well, I see squirrels eating them and they’re OK.” So she picked a bunch and […]

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Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol

on November 29, 2017, 7:48 AM / in Bedtime Stories

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. *What’s the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?*                                                                              *Here’s her story in her own words:* “While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to […]

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Seenager

Seenager

on November 29, 2017, 6:00 AM / in Bedtime Stories

I Just discovered my age group! I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have […]

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Grandma’s Invitation for Thanksgiving

Grandma’s Invitation for Thanksgiving

on November 27, 2017, 8:20 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Dear Family, I’m not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. Two. 2:00 Arrive late and you get what’s left over. Last year, that moron Marshall fried a […]

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The Biggest Threat To Women

The Biggest Threat To Women

on November 27, 2017, 6:31 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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Dear President Trump:

Dear President Trump:

on November 26, 2017, 7:47 AM / in Bedtime Stories

1 — Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. 2 — Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level. 3 — Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border. Editor’s Note: Want to make a shorter route from the Gulf to the Pacific? Make the moat deeper and wider!

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Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word Murgatroyd?

Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word Murgatroyd?

on November 25, 2017, 8:28 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Heavens to Mergatroyd! Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really! Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle. About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included “Don’t touch that dial,” “Carbon copy,” […]

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No Left Turns

No Left Turns

on November 23, 2017, 6:00 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Good morning, This is a bit long, but if you have a moment, the message is well worth it. Happy Thanksgiving 🦃💕 This is a wonderful piece by Michael Gartner, editor of newspapers large and small and president of NBC News. In 1997, he won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing. It is well worth reading, and a few good […]

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Cynical

Cynical

on November 22, 2017, 8:55 AM / in Bedtime Stories

H/T to Barb for this giggle of the day…. I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.  Not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number? Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water. I find it ironic that […]

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Branco Ingrate Of The Year

Branco Ingrate Of The Year

on November 22, 2017, 8:12 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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BAD PARROT 

BAD PARROT 

on November 21, 2017, 8:27 AM / in Bedtime Stories

A young man named Peter received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think […]

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A Convenient Reckoning

A Convenient Reckoning

on November 21, 2017, 6:24 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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Golfing……

Golfing……

on November 20, 2017, 6:55 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Moses, Jesus, and an old man were enjoying a friendly round of golf together. Moses stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap. Moses then parted the water and chipped the ball onto the green. Jesus stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went […]

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PLUS .1776 ammo not available

PLUS .1776 ammo not available

on November 20, 2017, 6:22 AM / in Bedtime Stories
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ONLY GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND

ONLY GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND

on November 17, 2017, 8:33 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Heart Attack! A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at […]

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