Bedtime Stories

Official Ram Trucks Super Bowl Commercial “Farmer”

on February 5, 2013, 4:26 PM / in Bedtime Stories

Published on Feb  3, 2013 And on the eighth day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need a caretaker.” So God made a farmer. God said, “I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, milk cows, work all day in the field, milk cows again, eat supper, then go to town and stay past midnight […]

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Arguing with children can be risky

on February 2, 2013, 3:01 AM / in Bedtime Stories

In a grade school lesson, a teacher was explaining a little bit about whales. A little girl in class piped up and said: “I just learned that Jonah in the bible was swallowed by a whale.” The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its […]

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A Living Bible

on February 1, 2013, 4:56 AM / in Bedtime Stories

His name is Bill. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans, and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years of college. He is brilliant. Kind of esoteric and very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college. Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative church. […]

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Stone

Stone

on January 27, 2013, 4:48 AM / in Bedtime Stories

The story goes that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me in the face.” They kept on walking […]

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Yellow Roses

Yellow Roses

on January 24, 2013, 7:39 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Found this on the Texas Gardeners newsletter and thought others might like it too. Fertile Fiction Yellow Roses By Kaye George – Freelance Writer Wanted to buy: Gardening equipment, esp. wheelbarrow, spade, rose trellis. Personal: SWF who likes gardening seeking SWM same. Must love yellow roses. Call 555-123-4567 eves M-F. Personal: To “Guy who loves roses”: I’ll be wearing a […]

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Breakfast at McDonald’s

Breakfast at McDonald’s

on January 22, 2013, 9:48 AM / in Bedtime Stories

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, ‘Smile.’ The class was asked to go out […]

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Washington’s Glasses

Washington’s Glasses

on January 21, 2013, 4:03 AM / in Bedtime Stories

The following story titled “Washington’s Glasses” is from The Moral Compass, compiled by William J. Bennett. It is one of his favorite stories from American history. The moment of greatness of George Washington, without whose wisdom and courage our Republic might have died even before it began. At the end of the Revolutionary War, the new United States came close […]

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A Carrot an Egg and a Cup of Coffee

A Carrot an Egg and a Cup of Coffee

on January 20, 2013, 9:36 AM / in Bedtime Stories

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to […]

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A Different Kind of Drug Problem

on January 18, 2013, 4:05 AM / in Bedtime Stories

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked an elderly man (50+) in the store a rhetorical question, ”Why didn’t we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?” He replied, “I had a drug problem […]

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The Bacon Tree

on January 16, 2013, 4:09 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death when all of a sudden Luis says: “Hey Pepe do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I teenk.” “Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon.” With renewed hope, they struggle up […]

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King Solomon and the Ants

King Solomon and the Ants

on January 15, 2013, 10:59 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Based on a old story found in the Koran by John Greenleaf Whittier Out from Jerusalem The king rode with his great War chiefs and lords of state, And Sheba’s queen with them; Comely, but black withal, To whom, perchance, belongs That wondrous Song of songs, Sensuous and mystical, Whereto devout souls turn In fond, ecstatic dream, And through its […]

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The UNhumane Society

on January 13, 2013, 8:41 AM / in Bedtime Stories

The Saga of Bennie. I’m a New Yorker living in the middle of the Bible Belt.  Please!   Don’t ask me how I got here.  It’s a long story! Anyway so here I am, and there we go.  When I first got here, I saw this place was badly broke and needed fixin’.  It would be simpler if I could have […]

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Make Me Happy

Make Me Happy

on January 3, 2013, 10:53 AM / in Bedtime Stories, Opinion

Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, ‘You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, ‘I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very happy. Michelle added, ‘That being the case, I […]

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THE SENILITY PRAYER

on January 1, 2013, 11:45 AM / in Bedtime Stories

Thanks to Dee for sending this….. Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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Harmless Green Snake

Harmless Green Snake

on January 1, 2013, 4:54 AM / in Bedtime Stories

When someone tells you a bill or tax is just a *harmless little thing* – read this post again. Thanks to Jackie Juntti for sending it in. Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing […]

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The DONATION

on December 30, 2012, 8:37 PM / in Bedtime Stories

Father O’Malley answers the phone, “Hello, is this Father O’Malley?” “It is.” “This is the IRS. Can you help us?” “I can” “Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” “I do” “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is” “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” “He will”.

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Happy or Holy?

Happy or Holy?

on December 29, 2012, 12:07 PM / in Bedtime Stories, Religion

While parts of my life are VERY high tech (see, you can teach an ‘old dog’ new tricks!), there is one area that is very OLD SCHOOL. I don’t have my calendar on my phone, or in any of my three computers. My calendar hangs on the wall just to the right of my monitor showing one month at the […]

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‘Twas the Night Before Jesus Came

on December 24, 2012, 5:00 PM / in Bedtime Stories

“He came to pay a debt He did not owe for those who owe a debt they cannot pay.” author unknown ‘Twas the Night Before Jesus Came ‘Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house Not a creature was praying, not one in the house. Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care In hopes that […]

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The First Nut

The First Nut

on December 23, 2012, 9:15 AM / in Bedtime Stories

There were four country churches in a small TEXAS town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels . One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to […]

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Thankful

on December 21, 2012, 4:36 AM / in Bedtime Stories

I am in the mood to try to brighten up a week and can be both joyus as well as sad. Pass it on. I am thankful for the partner who hogs the covers every night, because he/she is not out with someone else. The child who is not cleaning his room, but is watching tv, because that means he […]

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