To Get Away From The News

I am trying to spend a bit of time each day cleaning out some of the OLD material to make room for more.

Came across this and thought I would share it –  some laughs and some to make one think.

Jackie Juntti

WGEN idzrus@earthlink.net

To get away from the news


How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time band leaders semiconductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

Day light savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around an sing “Happy Birthday?”

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?

 



How good is your memory. How many can you get right? Answers at the end!

1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.”

2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in; ___________.”

3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?”
Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.”  What did he leave behind?

4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of the most memorable folk songs included these lyrics: “When the
rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I’ll be gone. You’re the reason I’m travelling on, ___________________________________.”

5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the ________________.

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the ______________ show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our __________.

8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name of Dick and Jane’s dog?

9. The cute, little car with the engine in the back and the trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other name(s) did it go by?

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the _____________ and the ____________.

11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out nonconformists “hippies.” But in the early sixties, they were known as ________________.

12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to get the short end of the stick in the television program, “The
Life of Riley.” At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, “What a ___________.”

13. “Get your kicks, ________________.”

14. “The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed ______________________.”

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way:  ________________.

16. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.”

17. That “adult” book by Henry Miller – the one that contained all the “dirty” dialogue – was called ___________.

18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a calculator strapped to their belt. But back in the sixties, members of
the math club used a  __________.

19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about “the day the music died.”  This was a reference and tribute to ________________.

20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of a
convertible. The matching slogan was “Let Hertz ____________.”

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we “danced” under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a
dance called the ________________.

22. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best… _________.”

23. In the late sixties, the “full figure” style of Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the “trim” look, as first
exemplified by British model ________________.

24. Sachmo was America’s “ambassador of goodwill.” Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ________________.

25. On Jackie Gleason’s variety show in the sixties, one of the most popular segments was “Joe, the Bartender.” Joe’s regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off-center, but lovable character, _____________. (The character’s name, not the actor’s.)

26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it; it was called ______________.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?

28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called the ________________.

29. The “Age of Aquarius” was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical ________________.

30.  This is a two-parter: Red Skelton’s hobo character(not the hayseed; the hobo) was ________________. Red ended his television show
by saying, “Good night, and  ________________.”


The Answers:

1. “Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb.” If you said “ears,” you’re in the wrong millennium; you’ve spent way too much time in
Latin class.

2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in; drop out.”  Many people who proclaimed that 30 years ago today are Wall Street bond traders and corporate lawyers.

3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of you said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the screen, Clayton
Moore would not be seen as the Lone Ranger without his mask!

4.  “When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I’ll be gone. You’re the reason I’m travelling on; Don’t think twice, it’s all right.”

5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 were known as the Chicago seven. As Paul
Harvey says, “They would like me to mention their names.”

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our draft cards.  If you said “bras,” you’ve got the right spirit,
but nobody ever burned a bra while I was watching. The “bra burning” days came as a by-product of women’s liberation movement, which had
nothing directly to do with the Vietnam war.

8. Dick and Jane’s dog was Spot. “See Spot run.” Whatever happened to them?  Rumor has it they have been replaced in some school
systems by “Heather Has Two Mommies.”

9. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the Sharks and
the Jets.  West Side Story.

11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, non-conformists were known as beatniks.  Maynard G. Krebs was the classic beatnik,
except that he had no rhythm, man; a beard, but no beat.

12. At the end of “The Life of Riley,” Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, “What a revolting development this is.”

13. “Get your kicks, on Route 66.”

14. “The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.”

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way: shaken, not stirred.

16. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.”

17. That “adult” book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of Cancer. Today, it would hardly rate a PG-13 rating.

18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a slide rule.

19. “The day the music died” was a reference and tribute to Buddy Holly.

20. The matching slogan was “Let Hertz put you in the driver seat.”

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we “danced” under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.

22. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best………chooooo-c’late.”  In the television commercial, “chocolate” was sung by a puppet – a dog.   (Remember his mouth lopping open and shut?)

23. In the late sixties, the “full figure” style gave way to the “trim” look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.

24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was Louis Armstrong.

25. Joe’s regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.

26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was called Sputnik.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex watch.

28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist was called the hula-hoop.

29. The “Age of Aquarius” was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical Hair.

30. Red Skelton’s hobo character was Freddie the Freeloader. (Clem Kaddiddlehopper was the “hay seed.”) Red ended his
television show by saying, “Good night, and may God bless.”

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