Seeking Latino votes, a sincere Hillary Clinton orders a burrito

As close as regular Americans got to Candidate Clinton on first campaign trip. (AP)

As close as regular Americans got to Candidate Clinton on first campaign trip.

 

BY ANDREW MALCOLM  / Investor’s.com

Our more than 187,000 combined followers know that on weekday afternoons we regularly share a selection of that evening’s late-night jokes before broadcast. We publish a collection of these and other jokes when the shows are not on hiatus.

Previous collections of late-night jokes are available here.

Conan: Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her presidential campaign. For example, she points out that her husband makes $300 million a year and she has to get by on only $200 million.

Conan: What to call Bill Clinton if Hillary wins? The most popular choices are First Man, First Husband and That Naked Guy Running Across the South Lawn.

Conan: A new report says dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98% accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100% accuracy. But they prefer to watch you die.

Meyers: A 120-pound Texas woman has set a new competitive eating record after she consumed three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three salads and three dinner rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call that in Texas, a kid’s meal.

Conan: Hillary Clinton made the big announcement we all knew was coming. That’s right. She’s joining the all-female cast of ‘Ghostbusters.’

Conan: Scientists have located the section in the brain responsible for sarcasm. The scientists said, “Isn’t that just the most important scientific breakthrough ever?”

Conan: At an Ohio Chipotle, a campaigning Hillary Clinton had a burrito with chips and salsa. Leaving, she was overheard saying, “Well, that locks down the Hispanic vote.”

Conan: Someone has launched balloons carrying thousands of copies of the film ‘The Interview’ over North Korea. North Koreans are now waiting for balloons carrying DVD players and electricity.

Conan: Jeb Bush just welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy and will be running for President in 2048.

Meyers: Chris Christie today appeared on a talk show called “Pasta and Politics.” It went so well that he’s agreed to go on “Meet the Garlic Press.”

Conan: Burger King unveils a “Whopper”-scented cologne. So, ladies, if he smells like a Whopper, he’s either wearing the cologne or just ate one. Either way, he’s a keeper.

Conan: President Obama announced that next month, he’ll visit his 50th state, South Dakota. Obama’s exact words were, “Let’s get this over with.” (Scroll down for 2008 news video of Obama’s infamous “57 states” claim. He was elected  president anyway, but of only 50 states, however.)

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