Candidate Hillary’s softer side, talks of growing up in Hawaii as a black male

Our more than 188,000 combined followers on Twitter (click here for that) and on Facebook (then click here to subscribe to that) know that on weekday afternoons we regularly share a selection of that evening’s late-night jokes before broadcast. We publish a collection of these and other jokes when the shows are not on hiatus.

Previous collections of late-night jokes are available here.

Fallon: Google spent $5 million lobbying in the first quarter of this year. Which is crazy. You’d think Google wouldn’t really need to lobby politicians. All it has to do is say, “We have your search history.”

Fallon: Starbucks is offering a $50 Mother’s Day gift card that actually costs $200. The perfect way to tell Mom, “Thank you for raising an idiot!”

Conan: Today was Cinco de Mayo. Or to use its technical name, “Drunko de Gringo.”

Fallon: An “Indiana Jones” sequel is in the works. This time, the ancient relic everyone is searching for is Indiana Jones. He just wandered off.

Conan: On Mother’s Day, Hooters is giving moms 10 free hot wings with a drink purchase. I’d take my Mom, but I just took her there for Easter.

Meyers: In a ‘Price is Right’ episode this week, a contestant in a wheelchair won a treadmill. Well, the show isn’t called ‘The Prize is Right.’

Conan: Amazon has just dropped “girl and “boy” from describing children’s toys. The toys are now all under one category, “Crap Made In China.”

Conan: A 95-year-old New Hampshire veteran defended himself against a mugger using his own cane. The veteran will now face Floyd Mayweather Saturday on pay-per-view.

Conan: A new book is out to help parents understand the ‘Minecraft’ game. And there’s a new update for ‘Minecraft’ to help kids understand what “a book” is.

Conan: New technology lets experts create a picture of what Jesus looked like as a kid. When he saw it, Larry King said, “You got the nose wrong.”

Fallon: There’s a new reality show on CBS where a family must decide whether to keep $101,000 in a briefcase or give it away to another family. The show’s called, “Yeah, We’ll Keep the Briefcase.”

Conan: North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un has reportedly had 15 of his top officials executed. So the lesson here is, when Kim Jong-Un comes into work with a new haircut, you tell him, “Lookin’ good, Un! — Lookin’ real good.”

Read More Here
%d bloggers like this: