In the Past, We Have Been Known To Offend, So Why Stop Now.

Offend almost anyone:

Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
50 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in the 7th grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What’s the difference between a Texas zoo and an English zoo?
The Texas zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say a swear word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern USA fairy tale and a southern USA fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins ‘Once upon a time.’ A southern fairy tale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…’

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