Kansas Gubernatorial Candidate Trolls Leftist Snowflakes In a Big Way

By Steve Sheldon   |   Townhall

Kansas Gubernatorial Candidate, Kris Kobach recently scored some serious body blows against the “Everything Offends Me Crowd” during a recent parade. He had them running for their safe spaces, shielding their children, and calling in their therapists for an emergency session.

To state that the People Always Nauseatingly Scared In Every Situation (PANSIES) were triggered would be a monumental understatement. To them, Kris’s offense was worse than the recoil of an AR-15, scarier than a Trump second term, more diabolical than the reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance, and more offensive than Mike Pence saying “God bless you” after a sneeze.

What could possibly be so offensive, you ask?

Did he wear garments representing sex anatomy? Did he yell profanities at the crowd? Did he threaten to kill law enforcement? Did he engage in simulated sex acts? Oh, wait, wrong parade. Here’s a photo of his offensive act:

Yep, that’s right. He rode around in a flag-themed Jeep CJ-5 with a plastic machine gun replica mounted on the vehicle, which incidentally, was unmanned. To clarify for PANSIES, replica means fake and unmanned means that no one was standing behind it pretending to aim it at parade bystanders.

The resulting diatribe from the Left was laughable. For starters, they are all suddenly experts on the U.S. Flag Code.

They cried out things like, “A flag painted Jeep? ARE YOU NUTS???” on Kobach’s Facebook page. Other comments weren’t appropriate to share.

Kris had the last laugh when one of his critics suggested he wasn’t a true patriot because he had not served in the military. Kris’s response was epic.

“I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 11. During high school, I had hoped that there would be some way that I could apply to West Point in spite of my diabetes. However, I spoke to a U.S. Army recruiter; and he informed me that there were no exceptions to the prohibition against diabetics serving in the military. Although I was unable to serve in the U.S. military because of my physical disability, I served my country as Counsel to the U.S. Attorney General under A.G. John Ashcroft. I played a central role in developing the post 9-11 programs to block terrorists from exploiting loopholes in our immigration system.”

Graduating with honors from Harvard, a doctorate from Oxford, and a law degree from Yale, Kris could be making a lot more money outside of public service, but that is the life he has chosen. He is currently the Kansas Secretary of State and is running for governor. Anyone who gets the Left worked up this much is definitely worth keeping an eye on.

In the end, we should all be thankful that Kobach supporter Ted Nugent wasn’t along for the ride, playing the National Anthem from the back of the Jeep. We’d still be cleaning up the exploded heads.

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