Fun with Words.

From Rocky Top Politics

breast feeding mom 1

“Go ahead, FDA, call me a bovine

I dare you!”

As the FDA begins to review regulations concerning the definition of the word “milk,” they are undoubtedly running into some glaring problems with the definition sought by the National Milk Producers Federation.

Case in point:  It’s been decades since the nut and soybean people began producing and marketing such things as Soy Milk and Almond Milk.  The big dairy folks barely complained about the upstarts – that is, until the starting cutting into their market share.  But to show you how absurd their whole “definition of the word Milk” is, one only has to look around them to see Dairy, Inc.’s attempts are fraught with examples of the utter ( or is it “udder”?) stupidity of their labeling scam.

Take “Mother’s Milk” for example.  Under the proposed FDA guidelines it would be illegal to call it milk.  “But,” you say, “mother’s milk is not a commercial commodity. It has no monetary value.”  Think again, bucko:

As the price of baby formula in Venezuela soars, moms turn to each other for help.

                                                           — Miami Herald, 9/10/2018

Better not let the FDA field office in Caracas know that the locals are flaunting regulation by calling it “Mother’s Milk.”

And then, of course there’s “Milk of Magnesia.”  After all, it’s white, it’s liquid, you drink it.  Wow, that must be  really confusing to NMPF folks.  It must be banned! Under the NMPF version of the rules, the makers would have to relabel it and remove the word “milk.”  Maybe something like:

“The Non-lacteal Secretions of a Non-bovine of Magnesia.”

See how quickly this goes from a definition reevaluation to a classic example of bureaucratic insanity?

The dairy folks, and some at the FDA itself, say that consumers are too damn stupid to know the difference between nuts and cows and that they might somehow be harmed by people who consumed soy milk thinking it was cow milk.  We are waiting for the extensive and comprehensive study that in the last 40+ years show the multitudes of consumers who were physically harmed by the confusion.

Still waiting.

But the doctor offices have numerous examples of lactose intolerant victims who had a bad reaction to milk.  Go figure.  Maybe the FDA should require the dairy industry to re-label their product to say:

DANGER: Contains the lacteal secretions of a bovine. Studies have shown that for some people consuming this product can cause severe gastrointestinal discomfort, possibly even death.

Stupid suggestion?  Yeah.  Almost as stupid as banning the labeling of Soy as milk.

If you think we are wrong, try telling your nursing wife that according to the NMPF and the FDA, she will henceforth be required to refer to herself as a “cow” or stop using the phrase “mother’s milk” while breast feeding.

Let us know how that works out for you.

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