Considering that we just went Through Election Shock, We Thought some Fun was needed

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.   Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?  (Not in 2019!)

 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom UNTIL they are flashing behind you. 

 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone?  That’s your common sense leaving your body. 

 My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.   We’ll see about that! 

 I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer.   I saw it through my telescope last night. 

 Money talks … but all mine ever says is “Goodbye.”

 You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see. 

 If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. 

 I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, ” Sag Harbor .” 

 Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”   If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks! 

 The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 

 I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos. 

 Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch! 

 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married.   Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.   The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk

%d bloggers like this: