On July 21st, 1861, the first major battle of the Civil War began.
If the news is fake and history even faker, the only thing left to do is is explore history under a new set of eyes and enjoy the show and have an inner-standing that we really don’t know what we think we know except that truth is stranger than fiction. And this is the best apocalypse ever!
If we start with the fact that a lot of what they have told us is a lie, we can reread history with new eyes. Reading between the lines is one of our favorite things to do on Wikipedia and other outlets who write as if they have captured the true story of our past.
This is not an in depth analysis of the “Picnic Battle” or the “Battle of Bull Run” but a light-hearted commentary on the story-telling of of our history. We don’t know what happened on July 21st, 1861 but we can look back and smile at the comedy of The True-man Show and appreciate the “Are you not entertained” aspect of our existence. And yes, we are very much entertained….
Before the Battle of Bull Run, a.k.a. the Picnic Battle, the North assumed once the real battle began the war would be over quickly. With the wealthy elites just outside of Washington D.C. so naively optimistic that the fighting at Bull Run and the confederacy would be over in a jiffy, they gathered their picnic baskets, champagne, and opera glasses and sat down to watch the bloodshed. Congressmen and their families along with civilians gathered like spectators from the Gladiator Games to watch history unfold.
From Wikipedia “Each side had about 18,000 poorly trained and poorly led troops. The battle was a Confederate victory and was followed by a disorganized post-battle retreat of the Union forces.” This is exactly how I imagine the MSM would describe this battle were our current crop of “journalists” around to write that story back then.
Also, “Yielding to political pressure, Brigadier General Irvin McDowell led his unseasoned Union Army across Bull Run against the equally inexperienced Confederate Army of Brigadier General P. G. T. Beauregard, whose forces were camped near Manassas Junction. McDowell’s ambitious plan for a surprise flank attack on the Confederate left was poorly executed although the Confederates, who had been planning to attack the Union left flank, found themselves at an initial disadvantage.” So the Union was winning the battle, before they lost. Got it!!
And here’s this gem… “Expecting an easy Union victory, the wealthy elite of nearby Washington, including congressmen and their families, had come to picnic and watch the battle. When the Union army was driven back in a running disorder, the roads back to Washington were blocked by panicked civilians attempting to flee in their carriages.[62] The pell-mell retreat became known in the Southern press as “The Great Skedaddle”. Imagine how much fun it was for the Southern press to write that up and the irony of the wealthy elite and their carriages keeping the Union from making a quick retreat.
About the Union Soldiers …”McDowell had hoped to have his army at Centreville by 17 July, but the troops, unaccustomed to marching, moved in starts and stops. Along the route soldiers often broke ranks to wander off to pick apples or blackberries or to get water, regardless of the orders of their officers to remain in ranks.” Come on man, it’s funny. The Union’s inexperienced soldiers wandered off to eat Blackberries. If only we could have all just got along, and ate Blackberries.
This was written under the “Prelude to Battle”…If both of the armies had been able to execute their plans simultaneously, it would have resulted in a mutual counterclockwise movement as they attacked each other’s left flank.” I don’t know why picturing this makes me laugh. I imagine a cat chasing his tail. Who wins that lol?
“McDowell was getting contradictory information from his intelligence agents, so he called for the balloon Enterprise, which was being demonstrated by Prof. Thaddeus S. C. Lowe in Washington, to perform aerial reconnaissance.” The Airships of the Civil War. Sounds really cool and don’t get me started on future airships for travel, like the Hindenburg, that’s another rabbit hole for another post but imagine living back in 1861 and looking up to see an airship like the Enterprise. That must have been other worldly. We’ will just leave it at that.
Remember the narrative around the confederates was they weren’t seasoned fighters, and were not at all battle ready so keep that in mind when reading this…”Unlike many engagements in the Civil War, here the Confederate artillery had an advantage. The Union pieces were now within range of the Confederate smoothbores and the predominantly rifled pieces on the Union side were not effective weapons at such close ranges, with many shots fired over the head of their target.” I’m guessing all this just happened by accident or something. Unseasoned soldiers just got lucky. Moving on…
And where Stonewall got his nickname alledgedly “As his men were pushed back towards Henry House Hill, Bee exclaimed to Jackson, “The Enemy are driving us.” Jackson, a former U.S. Army officer and professor at the Virginia Military Institute, is said to have replied, “Then, Sir, we will give them the bayonet.”[54] Bee is then said to have exhorted his own troops to re-form by shouting, “There is Jackson standing like a stone wall. Let us determine to die here, and we will conquer. Rally behind the Virginians.”
A few moments later… “Bee was shot through the stomach shortly afterwards and died the next day” This is a battle worthy of Monty Python!
About this section, the parody writes itself …“Artillery commander Griffin decided to move two of his guns to the southern end of his line, hoping to provide enfilade fire against the Confederates. At approximately 3 p.m., these guns were overrun by the 33rd Virginia, whose men were outfitted in blue uniforms, causing Griffin’s commander, Maj. William F. Barry, to mistake them for Union troops and to order Griffin not to fire on them.” OOPSIES!
Oh to be a fly on the wall of history when Lincoln was reading that telegram… “In Washington, President Lincoln and members of the cabinet waited for news of a Union victory. Instead, a telegram arrived stating “General McDowell’s army in full retreat through Centreville. The day is lost. Save Washington and the remnants of this army.”
And to wrap this up…the Aftermath “The battle was a clash between relatively large, ill-trained bodies of recruits, led by inexperienced officers. Neither army commander was able to deploy his forces effectively” History is written by the victors and this is most likely why you find errors in Union military strategy minimized, and Confederacy strategy a comedy of errors which happened to benefit them sometimes.
There is nothing new under the sun. The Wealthy Elites having picnics while watching this battle or sending off your sons and daughters to fight in foreign wars. A sort of Hunger Games is brewing, as it has probably always been but having the benefit of information literally at our fingertips…is anyone going to fight? We agree with Sting when he said “there’s no such thing as a winnable war, it’s a lie we don’t believe anymore”.
Having said all of that, enjoy the day that He has made because THAT is what we are here for and RIP P.G.T. Beauregard and Irvin McDowell!
