by Douglas Andrews, Thomas Gallatin, & Jordan Candler
Hunter Biden exposed himself this morning on Capitol Hill, taking to a microphone and railing against “MAGA Republicans” for having unfairly picked on him.
“For six years,” he whined, “I’ve been the target of the unrelenting Trump attack machine shouting, ‘Where’s Hunter?’ Well, here’s my answer: ‘I am here.'”
He was there, alright, but only long enough to denounce those MAGA Republicans. Then he disappeared, skipping his agreed-upon deposition before the House Oversight Committee.
We suppose this qualifies as acceptable behavior for a Biden, but only because they’ve set the bar so low.
Setting aside the hookers and the blow and the money-grubbing and the narcissistic nude selfies and the schtupping of his deceased brother’s wife, Hunter recently took to a podcast to blast his GOP critics as “motherf***ers” who are “trying to destroy a presidency” and “trying to kill me.”
This is what a shrink might call projection.
This morning, with attorney Abbe Lowell at his side, he gave us a more carefully worded screed: “Let me state as clearly as I can: My father was not financially involved in my business, not as a practicing lawyer, not as a board member of Burisma. Not my partnership with a Chinese private businessman, not in my investments at home nor abroad, and certainly not as an artist.”
He went on to say how proud he is of his degrees from Georgetown and Yale Law School, and how mean his MAGA Republican critics have been to impugn his character and invade his privacy and mock his struggle with addiction.
“There is no fairness or decency in what these Republicans are doing,” he continued. “They explain naked photos of me during an Oversight hearing.”
Strangely, he neglected to mention that he’s now under multiple indictments from the Biden Justice Department. There’s an old legal expression that Hunter and his legal team seem to be employing here: When you have the facts, you pound the facts.
When you have the law, you pound the law. And when you have neither, you pound the table.